in the following I talk about my recent move towards coming to term with the degree in which i self-harm, and how it’s possible for me to continue to self-heal even despite “contradictory” behavior all the time. I discuss self-harm in general, and include a somewhat graphic description of skin-picking. however, the post isn’t sad or heavily emotional so you know, read if you want/won’t be triggered, but don’t read if you don’t want to/just to be safe you know if anything might trigger you.
Everything is ok. Feelings of loneliness can’t hurt you if you don’t let them.
Listen to songs that make you cry. Even if they are by James Blunt. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone. You can sleep for longer than you are supposed to and show up late often if you need to. Take your time.
Sit on the back porch first thing in the morning and say hello to it all. Don’t rush this either.
You will be ok. You will heal or you will learn to enjoy the ways being damaged makes you, you.
You are doing fine. The world is a complicated place and it’s ok if being alive seems terribly difficult most of the time. Surround yourself with people who make you forget, even just for a second, that things are complicated. Bathe in the glory of this feeling.
being sad and tender and fragile is radical, I promise <3
this is……so perfect. exactly it. thank you so, so much.
for what only appears in the roots"
It’s okay to be crooked. It’s okay to be asymmetrical. It’s okay if people know your eyebrows are fake and your outfit is cheap. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay because you’re 23 years old and wearing bright blue-green glitter eyeliner like you were at 11 years old in your bedroom pretending you were Britney Spears, and the most important thing you’re gonna do all day is probably make a trip to the grocery store to buy arroz y cafe. It’s gonna be okay today because today is today and you’re alive and it’s not last year and you made it you made it you made it.
really fucking important things to remember.
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I refuse to be ashamed of the fact that I am a complex person with complex needs, and only a few people in this huge world have ever made me feel worthy and loved and okay. I can give out love because love does not diminish. I can feel love from strangers and friends and acquaintances and I can feel love from the world around me. But that doesn’t mean I have to give anyone any part of me that I don’t want to give. I don’t owe anyone anything, and no one deserves any part of me unless I want them to have it. I’m not going to be ashamed of standing up for myself, for protecting myself, anymore.